Father,
It has been six months since my last confession.
We have hit the midway point of 2010 and a shit ton has occurred, 98% of which did not have anything to do with poker. The year started with a near layoff, with work cutting my hours and pay by 40%. The timing was perfect for a cash out, as I needed some extra cash and was completely tired of poker. Around the same time, I began my quest for a new degree, in Electronic Engineering. About to start my second semester of classes, I am excited to improve my math and electronics knowledge. In general, things were pretty hectic for the first three months of the year. Thankfully, things at work have not only gone back to normal, but improved. More so, in the few situations where I decided to play poker, I won and in some cases, won big. I cashed in two large multi table tournaments that allowed me to rebuild my bankroll and take out more cash to cover life expenses.
So here I am now. Six months into the year and everything seems to have settled itself. I have a steady schedule of work and school, a steady income from work and a pretty good idea of what I can do in the coming months.
I do not have the time to play a lot of poker right now, but the time off has relinquished my desire to play the game. At the same time, I have two friends who spent the previous month playing at the World Series of Poker, one of whom cashed in his first ever tournament. This has had a great effect on me, creating a desire to play in at least one event next year ($1000 Limit Holdem). I have created a savings account specifically for this purpose and while I cannot play at the pace I had previously set, I can recommit myself to the studying of the game in preparation of next year’s WSOP.
In addition to a new poker goal, I have decided to make a few more goals that I hope to achieve by the end of the year.
First, I’d like to improve my razz game. In addition to the necessary reading (Sklansky on Razz) I have tremendous access to resources, as two of my friends are well known razz players. I have played the game more online in the past six months, but my studying has not moved past the basics. I will improve my game. That is the goal.
Next is music. I need to get something going. We all know the world needs another band that sounds like Mission of Burma and the responsibility is on me. Until I can get something going, I plan on working on my guitar playing skills by going to town on the “Best of Yes” tablature book I was given for Christmas. Watch out ladies, I know “the Clap”
Wat?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
2009 - A Shit Year in Review
In looking at my complete stats for the year of 2009, I feel confused. Not in the sense of “how did this happen” but more in the sense of “why am I doing this?”
When you look at the dollar amount, you can say “holy shit, I lost $700 playing poker online this year” but then you can look at my bankroll and notice that it is exactly where it was when I started 2009 – hovering around a grand.
That means that even with an absolute shit year of grinding at full ring limit tables, I was able to break even through rakeback, a few tournament wins (tournaments I was placed into for free due to rakeback or iron man status [virtually another rakeback]).
What I’m getting at is the question of why I’m even trying to play an aggressive style of poker that maximizes my expectation. If in the end I’m really relying on various forms of rakeback to make my money. If I was to play a super weak tight style, I’m sure I would lose less while collecting a similar amount of rakeback and therefore, be better off in regards to my bankroll.
Of course, that isn’t going to happen. The same style of play last year accounted for an upward slope of winning (and did not rely on rakeback) and I have to assume that 2010 will provide a return to winning results.
In the overall scheme of things, over two years, my stats have taken a big hit due to the abortion that was 2009. You are not mistaken, that is a roughly 500BB downswing over about 60,000 hands. Yikes.
Meh. At least 2009 brought us my new favorite band...D Rider:
When you look at the dollar amount, you can say “holy shit, I lost $700 playing poker online this year” but then you can look at my bankroll and notice that it is exactly where it was when I started 2009 – hovering around a grand.
That means that even with an absolute shit year of grinding at full ring limit tables, I was able to break even through rakeback, a few tournament wins (tournaments I was placed into for free due to rakeback or iron man status [virtually another rakeback]).
What I’m getting at is the question of why I’m even trying to play an aggressive style of poker that maximizes my expectation. If in the end I’m really relying on various forms of rakeback to make my money. If I was to play a super weak tight style, I’m sure I would lose less while collecting a similar amount of rakeback and therefore, be better off in regards to my bankroll.
Of course, that isn’t going to happen. The same style of play last year accounted for an upward slope of winning (and did not rely on rakeback) and I have to assume that 2010 will provide a return to winning results.
In the overall scheme of things, over two years, my stats have taken a big hit due to the abortion that was 2009. You are not mistaken, that is a roughly 500BB downswing over about 60,000 hands. Yikes.
Meh. At least 2009 brought us my new favorite band...D Rider:
Friday, January 1, 2010
I'm Too Tired to Come Up With a Clever Title to Describe My Painful December of 2009
Oooh boy.
My post on December 10th showed me at exactly breakeven for the month. My post on December 13th described my painful recent bad beats putting me in a rough spot. I never thought that it would end like this:
My stats include runs at 3/6, 2/4 and 1/2 because at a certain point I was doing well and was sufficiently rolled for 3/6 – the results provided a quick drop back to 2/4 where I was destroyed emotionally and physically, enough to make me just try and relax back at simple 1/2 where I was sufficiently emotionally and physically destroyed. Holy shit, I lost more money playing 1/2 as opposed to 2/4, which has double the stakes.
While it is easy for me to be upset about all of this (and believe me, I am) the truth is that I know that there are times where bad results are not necessarily a penalty. Sometimes you get fucked in life and you did nothing wrong. While this might sound like me trying to deflect blame towards bad luck rather than mistake ridden play, I know that in looking at my statistics sorted by Final Hand that I lost a lot of money with hands that should win a lot of money:
I won at showdown less than 67% with Three of a Kind – watching in horror as people ran me down with runner runner one card straights and the like. From December 10th on, I won one hand at showdown after flopping a set. Fucked up.
Even more fucked…I won at showdown less than 55% with Full Houses (routinely ran into quads – say that four times fast)
Both of those numbers are very low.
The only way to win at this game is to win big pots when you flop a big hand and there is nothing you can do when you flop a big hand (I wont even bring up the flush stat which is also low) build a big pot and lose at showdown.
So in the end, I lost a large chunk of my roll in the past twenty days. However, this is a new year and it starts with an opportunity to clear a large bonus from Full Tilt thanks to my continued Iron Man status (13 months in a row – I HAVE A DISEASE!)
I can only stay positive, study and wait for the results to improve.
2009 Year in Review to come shortly.
My post on December 10th showed me at exactly breakeven for the month. My post on December 13th described my painful recent bad beats putting me in a rough spot. I never thought that it would end like this:
My stats include runs at 3/6, 2/4 and 1/2 because at a certain point I was doing well and was sufficiently rolled for 3/6 – the results provided a quick drop back to 2/4 where I was destroyed emotionally and physically, enough to make me just try and relax back at simple 1/2 where I was sufficiently emotionally and physically destroyed. Holy shit, I lost more money playing 1/2 as opposed to 2/4, which has double the stakes.
While it is easy for me to be upset about all of this (and believe me, I am) the truth is that I know that there are times where bad results are not necessarily a penalty. Sometimes you get fucked in life and you did nothing wrong. While this might sound like me trying to deflect blame towards bad luck rather than mistake ridden play, I know that in looking at my statistics sorted by Final Hand that I lost a lot of money with hands that should win a lot of money:
I won at showdown less than 67% with Three of a Kind – watching in horror as people ran me down with runner runner one card straights and the like. From December 10th on, I won one hand at showdown after flopping a set. Fucked up.
Even more fucked…I won at showdown less than 55% with Full Houses (routinely ran into quads – say that four times fast)
Both of those numbers are very low.
The only way to win at this game is to win big pots when you flop a big hand and there is nothing you can do when you flop a big hand (I wont even bring up the flush stat which is also low) build a big pot and lose at showdown.
So in the end, I lost a large chunk of my roll in the past twenty days. However, this is a new year and it starts with an opportunity to clear a large bonus from Full Tilt thanks to my continued Iron Man status (13 months in a row – I HAVE A DISEASE!)
I can only stay positive, study and wait for the results to improve.
2009 Year in Review to come shortly.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Damaged III
Well shit.
Since my last blog post, I’ve had a super shit run of cards. My roll has depleted about 20%, putting me on the brink of being not sufficiently rolled for 2/4. How does this happen? Pretty simple – I have not been playing many hands (card dead) and when I’ve been setup to win large pots, I’ve lost to some really brutal one/two/three out beats.
More than the past few shots I’ve taken at 2/4, I’ve felt very good about my play in this go round. My reads have been fantastic, but the cards have fallen in a negative pattern. At the end of these beats, I feel like inventing a new version of ROCKBAND where you get to play as Black Flag (Chavo era, please) to keep me sane.
Full Tilt Limit Hold'em, $4.00 BB (9 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Preflop: Hero is BB with 7
, 7
UTG calls, 4 folds, CO calls, 1 fold, SB calls, Hero checks
Flop: (4 SB) 10
, 7
, 5 (4 players)
SB bets, Hero raises, 1 fold, CO calls, SB calls
Turn: (5 BB) Q (3 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, CO raises, 1 fold, Hero 3-bets, CO caps, Hero calls
River: (13 BB) 5 (2 players)
Hero bets, CO raises, Hero calls
Total pot: $68 (17 BB) | Rake: $3
Results:
Hero didn't show 7, 7 (nothing).
CO had 5, 5 (four of a kind, fives).
Full Tilt Limit Hold'em, $6.00 BB (8 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Preflop: Hero is CO with 4, 4
UTG calls, 3 folds, Hero calls, Button raises, SB calls, BB calls, UTG calls, Hero calls
Flop: (10 SB) 4, 7, 2 (5 players)
SB checks, BB bets, UTG calls, Hero raises, 2 folds, BB calls, UTG calls
Turn: (8 BB) 8 (3 players)
BB checks, UTG checks, Hero bets, BB raises, 1 fold, Hero calls
River: (12 BB) 6 (2 players)
BB bets, Hero calls
Total pot: $84 (14 BB) | Rake: $3
Results:
BB had 8, 8 (three of a kind, eights).
Hero had 4, 4 (three of a kind, fours).
Outcome: BB won $81
Full Tilt Limit Hold'em, $4.00 BB (9 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Preflop: Hero is MP2 with 7, 9
3 folds, Hero calls, MP3 calls, 1 fold, Button calls, 1 fold, BB raises, Hero calls, MP3 calls, Button calls
Flop: (8.5 SB) A, Q, 3 (4 players)
BB bets, Hero raises, MP3 calls, 1 fold, BB calls
Turn: (7.25 BB) K (3 players)
BB checks, Hero bets, MP3 calls, BB raises, Hero 3-bets, 1 fold, BB caps, Hero calls
River: (16.25 BB) J (2 players)
BB bets, Hero calls
Total pot: $73 (18.25 BB) | Rake: $3
Results:
BB had K, K (flush, Ace high).
Hero had 7, 9 (flush, Ace high).
Outcome: BB won $70
I’m confused. Confused. Don’t wanna be confused.
Since my last blog post, I’ve had a super shit run of cards. My roll has depleted about 20%, putting me on the brink of being not sufficiently rolled for 2/4. How does this happen? Pretty simple – I have not been playing many hands (card dead) and when I’ve been setup to win large pots, I’ve lost to some really brutal one/two/three out beats.
More than the past few shots I’ve taken at 2/4, I’ve felt very good about my play in this go round. My reads have been fantastic, but the cards have fallen in a negative pattern. At the end of these beats, I feel like inventing a new version of ROCKBAND where you get to play as Black Flag (Chavo era, please) to keep me sane.
Full Tilt Limit Hold'em, $4.00 BB (9 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Preflop: Hero is BB with 7
, 7UTG calls, 4 folds, CO calls, 1 fold, SB calls, Hero checks
Flop: (4 SB) 10
, 7, 5 (4 players)SB bets, Hero raises, 1 fold, CO calls, SB calls
Turn: (5 BB) Q
(3 players)SB checks, Hero bets, CO raises, 1 fold, Hero 3-bets, CO caps, Hero calls
River: (13 BB) 5
(2 players)Hero bets, CO raises, Hero calls
Total pot: $68 (17 BB) | Rake: $3
Results:
Hero didn't show 7
, 7 (nothing).CO had 5
, 5 (four of a kind, fives).Full Tilt Limit Hold'em, $6.00 BB (8 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Preflop: Hero is CO with 4
, 4UTG calls, 3 folds, Hero calls, Button raises, SB calls, BB calls, UTG calls, Hero calls
Flop: (10 SB) 4
, 7, 2 (5 players)SB checks, BB bets, UTG calls, Hero raises, 2 folds, BB calls, UTG calls
Turn: (8 BB) 8
(3 players)BB checks, UTG checks, Hero bets, BB raises, 1 fold, Hero calls
River: (12 BB) 6
(2 players)BB bets, Hero calls
Total pot: $84 (14 BB) | Rake: $3
Results:
BB had 8
, 8 (three of a kind, eights).Hero had 4
, 4 (three of a kind, fours).Outcome: BB won $81
Full Tilt Limit Hold'em, $4.00 BB (9 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Preflop: Hero is MP2 with 7
, 93 folds, Hero calls, MP3 calls, 1 fold, Button calls, 1 fold, BB raises, Hero calls, MP3 calls, Button calls
Flop: (8.5 SB) A
, Q, 3 (4 players)BB bets, Hero raises, MP3 calls, 1 fold, BB calls
Turn: (7.25 BB) K
(3 players)BB checks, Hero bets, MP3 calls, BB raises, Hero 3-bets, 1 fold, BB caps, Hero calls
River: (16.25 BB) J
(2 players)BB bets, Hero calls
Total pot: $73 (18.25 BB) | Rake: $3
Results:
BB had K
, K (flush, Ace high).Hero had 7
, 9 (flush, Ace high).Outcome: BB won $70
I’m confused. Confused. Don’t wanna be confused.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hang On to Your Ego
I know there’s an answer. But it did not come in November.
After dealing with the fact that somebody else had been shaken my tree, I wasn’t in too fantastic a mood, as evidenced by the past few posts. That being said, I did keep up with the poker, spending the majority of the month at the 2/4 LHE Tables, grinding away.
The results were disappointing but suffered from an extremely small sample size:
There were two reasons for the small sample size. For one, I had quite a few days where I simply did not feel like playing poker. Furthermore, since I’ve moved up in stakes, it takes a lot less hands to hit my IRONMAN status for the month, and when I’m essentially playing to keep that status, I play the least amount of hands possible.
The good news is that I feel that I’m playing very well at 2/4. I’m winning a lot more hands that I would not have won in the past, specifically picking up thin value bets and playing much stronger heads up. I’m having very few sessions where I suffer large losses. However, I’m not having many sessions where I enjoy large wins. Overall, I’ve been kind of sputtering along, hovering around breakeven.
This pattern has continued, as my stats at 2/4 for the month of December to date show me at…well…
With all of that in mind, I’m excited for the rest of the month. I look forward to clearing some more bonus from Full Tilt and putting myself in a position to hit another large bonus next month with the IRONMAN Half Year Promotion. Furthermore, in the non-poker world, I anxiously await having my face melted for the second time in a month by the Jesus Lizard.
Hello Chicago!
After dealing with the fact that somebody else had been shaken my tree, I wasn’t in too fantastic a mood, as evidenced by the past few posts. That being said, I did keep up with the poker, spending the majority of the month at the 2/4 LHE Tables, grinding away.
The results were disappointing but suffered from an extremely small sample size:
There were two reasons for the small sample size. For one, I had quite a few days where I simply did not feel like playing poker. Furthermore, since I’ve moved up in stakes, it takes a lot less hands to hit my IRONMAN status for the month, and when I’m essentially playing to keep that status, I play the least amount of hands possible.
The good news is that I feel that I’m playing very well at 2/4. I’m winning a lot more hands that I would not have won in the past, specifically picking up thin value bets and playing much stronger heads up. I’m having very few sessions where I suffer large losses. However, I’m not having many sessions where I enjoy large wins. Overall, I’ve been kind of sputtering along, hovering around breakeven.
This pattern has continued, as my stats at 2/4 for the month of December to date show me at…well…
With all of that in mind, I’m excited for the rest of the month. I look forward to clearing some more bonus from Full Tilt and putting myself in a position to hit another large bonus next month with the IRONMAN Half Year Promotion. Furthermore, in the non-poker world, I anxiously await having my face melted for the second time in a month by the Jesus Lizard.
Hello Chicago!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions
October of 2009 was a fantastic month for me. Perfect fall weather, a wonderful birthday celebration with friends, and what, at the time felt like a nice relationship developing with a local strumpet. Unfortunately, with the end of October came the end of the latter experience. This blog is proof that a hot streak is always in danger of hitting a downswing (and in an attempt to keep that PMA, I will mesh poker psychology into life in general, noting that The Poker Mindset would tell me that there is no such thing as a downswing, but instead a negative surrounded by other variable results that may or may not also be negative…so as always, I will just have to deal with it.
To be honest, I should have known better than to put my faith in the Great Milenko, for as we all know, the Great Milenko is a Necromancer and Illusionist who tries to trick individuals into greed and other such sins. He takes out the worst in an individual and creates powerful illusions in an attempt to cause them to become hedonistic and greedy.
I did not act honorably, and therefore will not make it to Shangri-La.
Since I was busy wasting a majority of my month with a lady of elastic virtue, my sample size was pretty small (especially at 2/4). Regardless, the results were extremely positive.
I’ve been in a bit of a sour mood to start November, not interested in playing as often, which in turn has created a small sample size to judge my play. The results have been disappointing thusfar, but I’ve been happy with my play and believe I will be able to stick around at 2/4 for good this time.
In a final attempt to stay positive, I share this bizarre video of TransAm performing “Positive People” in which they manage to fit in sections from Deep Purple’s “Space Truckin” and Black Flag’s “Police Story”
To be honest, I should have known better than to put my faith in the Great Milenko, for as we all know, the Great Milenko is a Necromancer and Illusionist who tries to trick individuals into greed and other such sins. He takes out the worst in an individual and creates powerful illusions in an attempt to cause them to become hedonistic and greedy.
I did not act honorably, and therefore will not make it to Shangri-La.
Since I was busy wasting a majority of my month with a lady of elastic virtue, my sample size was pretty small (especially at 2/4). Regardless, the results were extremely positive.
I’ve been in a bit of a sour mood to start November, not interested in playing as often, which in turn has created a small sample size to judge my play. The results have been disappointing thusfar, but I’ve been happy with my play and believe I will be able to stick around at 2/4 for good this time.
In a final attempt to stay positive, I share this bizarre video of TransAm performing “Positive People” in which they manage to fit in sections from Deep Purple’s “Space Truckin” and Black Flag’s “Police Story”
Thursday, November 12, 2009
It Hurts My Head
Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of Shutupandy.
Looking back, I think I’ve maintained the site as well as possible, keeping track of my dedicated grind and general mental state in regards to poker. However, yesterday, during a visit with my kind therapist, it was suggested that I start a “journal” to help me vent my displeasure with, well...everything?
While I like the idea, I hate the idea of handwriting. My brain runs at the tempo of a Charles Bronson 10” and my hand cannot keep pace. To be honest, even my fast typing skills have trouble turning my nervous energy into word, as every post on this site will profess. Keep in mind that doesn’t even take into account my relatively poor writing capabilities, of which I am reminded anytime I read anything written by Steve , Devin or the Time Cube Guy.
Regardless, I will most likely begin to use this blog to not only track my poker life, but other interests (and my general mental state). This blog has had an effect on my poker playing, holding me accountable for my game and the results have been positive regardless of the hiccups that have occurred. I believe this can only help me in the long run, even though I know nobody reads this damn thing. Even better.
It will be our little secret, andy.
You know what my dream is?
Last night I had two separate dreams that really disturb me.
In the first, I was standing around at the Fireside Bowl, only to notice my friend Elliot Dicks on stage holding a microphone. Now of course, anybody who attended a show at the fireside saw Elliot on stage holding a microphone, as he was the resident sound guy. However, in this spot, he was the only one on stage and he was very drunk. He started mumbling into the microphone, performing a quasi toast to nobody. However, in the middle of his rant, he fell offstage and his head absolutely exploded with blood.
I would like to point out that in my dream, I immediately turned and ran to the back of the bowling alley. I am not a good friend.
Of course, all of that reminds me of the time I saw Dillinger Escape Plan and we all witnessed a similar site with some poor kid who had his face slashed open by one of the dude’s guitars as it thrashed around.
The second dream I had involved answering the doorbell at my house. I was not expecting anybody and couldn’t tell who it was through the peek hole. I reluctantly opened the door to see a mumbling, twitching young man muttering my name. As soon as he saw I had opened the door, he exploded into my house, wrestling me as he kept mumbling stuff about me. It should be pointed out that the dude was mentally retarded. Literally.
So I wrestled him through my corridor, trying to get him off me only to get him into my back room, where I tossed him to the side, accidentally throwing him into my stairwell, where he fell only to crash into the wall headfirst. His head exploded.
I quickly ran down the stairs and grabbed him by the shirt and threw him outside. If I’m not gonna help Elliot with his head wounds, why would I help this retard. Literally. I credit my swift reaction to my previous experience with dudes heads exploding (see: Elliot Dicks).
Why does this matter?
I checked out a dream interpretation site and it told me:
"To dream that others are bleeding signifies an emotional cry for help."
They obviously had not seen the blog before today.
Looking back, I think I’ve maintained the site as well as possible, keeping track of my dedicated grind and general mental state in regards to poker. However, yesterday, during a visit with my kind therapist, it was suggested that I start a “journal” to help me vent my displeasure with, well...everything?
While I like the idea, I hate the idea of handwriting. My brain runs at the tempo of a Charles Bronson 10” and my hand cannot keep pace. To be honest, even my fast typing skills have trouble turning my nervous energy into word, as every post on this site will profess. Keep in mind that doesn’t even take into account my relatively poor writing capabilities, of which I am reminded anytime I read anything written by Steve , Devin or the Time Cube Guy.
Regardless, I will most likely begin to use this blog to not only track my poker life, but other interests (and my general mental state). This blog has had an effect on my poker playing, holding me accountable for my game and the results have been positive regardless of the hiccups that have occurred. I believe this can only help me in the long run, even though I know nobody reads this damn thing. Even better.
It will be our little secret, andy.
You know what my dream is?
Last night I had two separate dreams that really disturb me.
In the first, I was standing around at the Fireside Bowl, only to notice my friend Elliot Dicks on stage holding a microphone. Now of course, anybody who attended a show at the fireside saw Elliot on stage holding a microphone, as he was the resident sound guy. However, in this spot, he was the only one on stage and he was very drunk. He started mumbling into the microphone, performing a quasi toast to nobody. However, in the middle of his rant, he fell offstage and his head absolutely exploded with blood.
I would like to point out that in my dream, I immediately turned and ran to the back of the bowling alley. I am not a good friend.
Of course, all of that reminds me of the time I saw Dillinger Escape Plan and we all witnessed a similar site with some poor kid who had his face slashed open by one of the dude’s guitars as it thrashed around.
The second dream I had involved answering the doorbell at my house. I was not expecting anybody and couldn’t tell who it was through the peek hole. I reluctantly opened the door to see a mumbling, twitching young man muttering my name. As soon as he saw I had opened the door, he exploded into my house, wrestling me as he kept mumbling stuff about me. It should be pointed out that the dude was mentally retarded. Literally.
So I wrestled him through my corridor, trying to get him off me only to get him into my back room, where I tossed him to the side, accidentally throwing him into my stairwell, where he fell only to crash into the wall headfirst. His head exploded.
I quickly ran down the stairs and grabbed him by the shirt and threw him outside. If I’m not gonna help Elliot with his head wounds, why would I help this retard. Literally. I credit my swift reaction to my previous experience with dudes heads exploding (see: Elliot Dicks).
Why does this matter?
I checked out a dream interpretation site and it told me:
"To dream that others are bleeding signifies an emotional cry for help."
They obviously had not seen the blog before today.
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